Blue Badgers versus Swiss Cottage [ Hackney Marshes, Sat. 31st October 1998 ]
BRAVE & BRUISED BADGERS BEATEN
Blue Badgers 2 (Oliver 40, 60) Swiss Cottage 3 (30, 50, 80)
Sluggish, Badgers, sluggish. True: the opposition may have been top of the table
and yet to drop a point. True: the Badgers were a lick of crossbar paint away
form stealing a point. But this performance was simply not good enough if the
Badgers want to be taken seriously in the intergalactic arena.
The early onslaught on the Badger�s goal was so scary there was talk of sending in
a NATO peacekeeping force. Miraculously, it took half an hour before a 'Swissing'
header hit the back of the net. These Cottagers were clearly enjoying the space
and fresh air of Hackney Marshes after spending so much of the week in public
conveniences.
The Badgers battled back. �Hold the Back� Page made a truly sensational save to his
left against a point-blank, 100mph shot. New boy Macdonald, the Badger�s weightiest
signing to date, barely put a foot wrong in the near monsoon conditions. Salmon
confirmed just what a spunky player he is. Ashman ran and tackled his heart out -
at one stage his tackle nearly ended up in his heart with a ball-whack in the gonads
that got choirboys up and down the country worrying about their job security.
Germain, Brasilia Killia, put in a real 100%er in an unaccustomed role as left back
before getting a cruel karate chop to his left lung that would have destroyed a
lesser man. He had to be replaced with the late-arriver Rob Davis in the 35th minute.
Kluc (luck changed). Brocklehurst Elder won a free kick on the edge of the box.
The ever-effective and ebullient Newsome swung it in and Oliver stormed to the near
post and flicked in a header. Brilliant stuff. The cheering Oliver�s Army chased him
the length of the pitch.
The second half Cottagers, so used to staring longingly at balls in WCs, seized this
opportunity to hold the ball and keep it away from a midfield showing passionate
purpose. The Midland maestro Rayner beat men with pinnace and tackled with gnash.
Asbury showed class on the right flank. But the mighty Cottagers got another header
goal. Worse. Rapson, first half starman, groin strained and got fisted, not where
you�d think but in the eye. A black eye. A black day for the Badgers as the subs had
already been used. Rapson stayed on. Drama not seen since Play for the Day as later
it transpired sub shuffle is allowed in the Marginal Premiership. The Badgers could
have bought back on the substituted and alleged strike sensation Salmon. Misery.
The Badgers set-to simmered, faded as hardman Barny Brocklehurst made his presence
felt and stuck to his men (ironically) like workers past stuck with their jobs.
Minute 60 Bang Bang Brocklehurst ran the length of the pitch to link up with Oliver
and beat a man. Tackled, Bang Bang stuck out a foot. Ball span to �man of the match�
Oliver. Zurrbing. Clinical. 2-2. But the Swiss Cottagers replied with a well slotted,
low driven third. The Badgers kept on fighting. Davis, simply brilliant in the second
half, had a shot from 35 yards tipped onto the bar.
So close, so cruel, saut� potato.
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